I AM NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT I DO.

Passion: something that motivates and pushes us in the best possible way to improve ourselves

Passion is so important. I didn't realize how crucial it is to have in our lives. Without passion, it is difficult to push yourself to do the very best every day. It is the reason why we want to improve. The reason is that we love what we want to do and get better at it for the very sake that we respect what it is an an art form and love it and want to feed our hunger for it.

Now what if I don't love what I do?

For the first time in my life, I am doing what I would call a blue collar job. I am working in a kitchen as a line cook. Have you watched Hell's Kitchen? Yea. Thats my 5 days a week. Do I love it? Probably not. Do I find it difficult? To the fullest extent of the word.

I feel like I am being tested every time I am there. When there is a rush, food needs to come out just as fast as it does on a slow day. Everything must be perfect. And while you're trying to do all this you have to be communicating with everyone on the line if your food isn't going up on time. I don't know if I can describe trying to figure out which dish to cook first while estimating how long it will take you while seeing if it will come out late while communicating that with the rest of the line. Some people are absolutely outstanding at this and I'm told it comes with time but 5 months in and I can honestly say I still have great judgement lapses on when I should or should not communicate time discrepancies.

Now at the end of the night, I'm usually feeling pretty run down. I'm tired. I'm hungry. Just because you work around food doesn't mean you're allowed to eat all the time. Half the time it's torture because I've been standing on my feet for the last 7 hours and I'm starving but ironically serving perfect food to other people. This is the restaurant industry. The whole reason I wanted to work in the kitchen was because I like to eat. And I'm not eating. It's not just my restaurant. It's the industry.

I'm okay with having to clean my station at the end of the night. But I start to get really grumpy when I have to help out the dishwashing station so they don't have to stay super late. I didn't come here to clean. I came here to eat! But the kicker is that I get grumpy and I show it.

I have worked office jobs my entire life. The whole professional decorum has been ingrained in my head since day 1. But that all goes out the window at a restaurant. Kitchen people don't treat or talk to you professionally and you start to stop treating them with said professional decorum.

This is not okay. Why am I being grumpy? Why am I showing that I am not happy and in turn coming across as having a bad attitude?

I AM NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT I DO.

I used to take dance lessons and I think in the entirety of my life, if I think of one thing I was truly passionate about I would say dance. I love the feeling of being plucked out of my world and whatever problems I have and being focused on following exactly what the choreographer does and executing it with the same angles and energy while adding my own twist to it. I love the feeling of being in sync with the rest of the class and being a part of something bigger and more beautiful. I had no problem going to the studio twice or three times a week because I just wanted to improve. I just wanted to be better. I just wanted to be a really good dancer and I would do it any chance I got. Just writing about the feeling makes me miss dance so much.

I do not feel the same way about this job. I work with some pretty cool people and their attitudes towards working in a kitchen is so amazing and mind blowing inspiring and it is because they are passionate about it. They will fight for it.

I don't want to fight for it. I don't want it. I never had to fight for this job. It kind of plopped in my lap. I AM NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT I DO.

Even in the past in my accounting jobs where I would stay late and be spinning the wheels in my head on how to finish a report, I would trek on through and not let on if I were upset or was frustrated. I hustled hard for this accounting coop job and I am not going to give up on it just because this is difficult. I saw the value in the job and I needed to get my work done and do it well so I could have a stepping stone into the next position because I respected the work and I was hungry to do well and improve.

I don't see myself in this industry so I don't want to push myself.

AND I FEEL BAD. I'm used to pushing myself to the limit and doing what I can do go above and beyond and for the first time, I don't feel like it. I should want to improve. I should want to do what I can. BUT I DON'T. I feel exhausted with the hours I work and I feel frustrated when I have a bad service. This further dissolves any passion I have had. It is discouraging.

Passion is so vital in everything you do and I think it is so evident in this job. There are some really amazing people and I will never view restaurants the same way in the respect I have for the kitchen staff. But I do not want it enough to go the extra mile.

I want to do something where I value the work that I do. That I am willing to put up with struggles and difficulties because I know that the end result will help catapult me into a better position where I will be further satisfying my hunger for my art.

I WANT PASSION IN MY CAREER.

SO WHAT DO I DO NOW? Be glad you got something bigger and better lined up :)

Tiger Kingdom Chiang Mia Review

Bit of an intro here, skip down to "Baby Tiger Cub Cage for experience and Review" if you just want my review based on animal rights :)

Being an avid animal lover, I've been starting to look out for more ways I can help animals in the way I live. This includes eating significantly less meat, and reducing the amount of dairy products I use. I also started looking for winter jackets and parkas made with no live plucked down and my reducing leather purchases.

Moving on to my trip 2 weeks ago to Chiang Mia, Thailand, I was fully have the chance to not only see, but touch and hug a tiger! Prior to my trip, both my aunt and uncle had gone with their spouces and only had great things to say such as how cute the tigers were, how much adrenaline was pumping when you got close to the big tigers and the most jaw dropping photos to show!

Animal captivity is a big no-no for me and I will never go to a zoo after go to the Toronto Zoo to see the pandas in 2013 when they came to Toronto. Something just felt so wrong and inhumane to keep these innocent creatures in cages just so people can look and point and comment on their features. Furthermore being isolated in a cage when they are used to roaming free just seemed so cruel and broke my heart after that visit.

However, but hearing that they were so well cared for at Tiger Kingdom, I did a little more research and tripadvisor reviews highlighted that animal lovers said this was one the the highlights of their trip. They also noted that the tigers were awake and did not see like they were sedated. They also take care in your safety in that they only allow you to interact with tigers younger than 2 years old. Anything older than that is too unpredictable for the tiger trainers to handle. And because I love tigers, I decided to go!

It cost around $40CAD to see the baby tiger cubs and the large tigers (you can choose any combination of baby, small, medium and large tiger). We paid for a photographer since you only get around 10-15 minutes with each tiger size and didn't want to waste time snapping our own. I also didn't trust my parents to take good pictures as they are not the most tech savvy people in the world! :P

Baby Tiger Cub Cage

Entering Tiger Kingdom, I noticed that the place was very clean and did not smell of any type of animal waste. There was also a cafe where you could look down and see the big tigers people were meeting.

Prior to entering the tiger cub cage, (it was more like a baby pen as opposed to a cage), employees would tell you to put down your bag at the cubbies, wash your hands, and change your shoes into provided sandals to ensure cleanliness in the tiger pen which I though was quite nice and appropriate. Also, no flash photography is allowed and this is enforced throughout the whole park.

There was the photographer and a tiger trainer that accompanied us around the tiger pen (around 6 tiger cubs you got to take turns and see). They warned us not to place our hands on their heads and only approach them from behind. The first tiger cub was sleeping in a very deep sleep. I don't think it was a coincidence and to be honest I think the first tiger you meet in any cage will be sedated in order for humans to become comfortable around the animals. This is probably necessary and does more harm to the tigers than good (imagine someone freaking out in the cage) but sedation, especially in small tigers in really quite sad).

In the baby tiger pen, the photographer we had seemed to be really rough with the tigers. He would pull their leg to get the tiger to slide in the position he wanted and did not seem genuine with the tigers at all. I even glared at hi after one particular hard tug he gave the tiger to get the shot and told him to just leave the tiger alone. Tiger trainer was not particularly friendly here either but did constantly remind you to keep your hands away from the head and was doing his job.

The baby tigers. They were really cute! At one point the tiger we were petting just got up and ran to the other tiger cub and slept right on top of him. I got a few nice shots with those two.

One particular cub kept getting up and running away from us.. I think he was tired of being poked an prodded and when the tiger trainer tried to get him to come back, I told him to just let him be.

Big Tiger Cage

No requests to wash your hands here. Only after you finish touching the tigers and leave the cage do they tell you to wash your hands.

As previously mentioned, first big tiger was asleep. I should also note that the tiger trainer we got for this cage was so fun and friendly while still making sure we were safe. Photographer was also way better! Seeing this cage made my day!

The second big tiger was asleep on a big high table but as soon as the tiger trainer said something to him, he woke up and looked right at the camera, perfect for someone to stand behind the table for a picture perfect moment. As soon as we left that second tiger, he got up off the table and onto the fountain and peed right into the fountain. I don't think this one was sedated!

I can't explain the rush you get when you are so close to these massive animals that could just kill you with a quick swat for their claws.

I also noticed scratches all over the body of the big tigers. When I asked the trainer, he said that it was from the biting and claws of the other tigers. I believe that this is a good thing, implying that they are not sedated (at least all the time) and get interaction with other tigers.

My thoughts on this trip

I was so happy when I left Tiger Kingdom. I literally had the biggest smile on my face. The effect animals can have on you is so uplifting. It was like animal therapy on steroids!

My cousin, who also went last year, brought up a point that I never thought of. In order to maintain a litter of tiger cubs and small tigers and medium tigers, there always has to be an inflow of baby tigers. But where do the tigers go after they turn two years old and can no longer be used in the Big tiger cage because they are too unpredictable? There were several cages around the park with a lion, two white tigers and I'm assuming older tigers. But there was no way there were enough tigers to make up the population of all the cubs that grew up. Another older friend asked her if they were still selling tiger bones...TIGER BONES. Does this mean they used to kill them and sell the parts as souvenirs? Do they sell them to circuses and zoos? I do not know what to think of that, but it makes me sad to think of this.

All in all, I had a great time. I feel like the tigers were genuinely well cared for and the cages were all very clean. The tigers seem to be well trained and the trainers seem to genuinely care for the animals. I am pretty concerned with what happens to the tigers afterwards and I wish I asked them. Making decisions for vacations that revolve around animals are always difficult if you want to have a good time but also looking out for our animal friends! If you are also an animal lover, let me know if you decide to go and what you base your decisions on!

Thanks for reading! xx Lilian

Winter Wonderland

So it has been snowing here for the past couple days. Haven't gone out but my roommate is telling me how cold it is! It's -12 C outside but with wind chill it's supposed to feel like -22C! In Toronto, the weather never really got that cold. I think the coldest on average is around -18C. And back home I had a ride to school( because I lived WAY too far) so I never really endured the never ending pain of snowing blowing in my face as I walk against the wind! I heard that Waterloo gets a lot more snow and man they are right! there's also supposed to be a snow storm warning or whatever but it looks gorgeous!

I love the way snow looks when it sits on the branches of the trees. Enjoy it while is lasts! after a couple days the wind usually blows it away or sun melts it off!
Going home on Thursday morning! hurrah! but back again Saturday night for a 9 am exam on Sunday. =( University is sucking Christmas away from me!!!

Hope you're all well and enjoying the seasonal weather! =)

P.S. I watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas to put me in the Christmas mood! It first came out in 1966 but this will always be the best one! A classic! There's something about the narration, the drawing/cartoons and the classic rhymes that makes it so much more homey and relatable =) here's the link! Enjoy!

http://www.myspace.com/video/vid/5378610

University Life

So this is my first year at university. It's been such a big change when you live on your own. I live in an apartment style dorm so I didn't buy a meal plan. That means cooking my own food and buying my own groceries. Ugh I am currently out of food and the grocery store is a bus ride away. The problem? It's cold and I don't want to go by myself. Roommates are all hard at work and studying and I just can't seen to stop eating cookies. I only have 3 left and am trying to ration them out so they last me longer. haha Pathetic.. i know.

It's exam time so everyone's been working so hard studying except me! Honestly if you think you're slack, here's something to make you feel better. I am a business major and I need my business mark to get into second year. You know when I started studying? the night before! Honestly I don't think I did too horrible which is probably means I failed but HOPEFULLY my memorization skills will help me through this! Two exams in a row next week. Yup, haven't started.

Good luck to everyone out there! =)